Puzzle Pieces

My son, Preston, is really into jigsaw puzzles right now. There is always one spread out on our dining room table waiting for someone to sit down for a few minutes or an hour and find some more pieces that fit snugly together. Sometimes Preston works alone. He enjoys this time and the challenge of working by himself, but he is not as productive. Other times his sister, Taylor, sits down with him, and they accomplish a lot more together. He especially loves it when Brian pulls up a chair and the two can enjoy wonderful father-son time.

"Have you ever taken one piece of a jigsaw puzzle and wondered what it is going to be? That is how we look at life, in comparison to what God knows and sees. God knows your jigsaw puzzle, and you will continue to be given the pieces until you, too, get to see the masterpiece. God is still at work. He has not brought you to a dead end. He has brought you to a new road filled with questions and uncertainties. But He is not dropping you off saying, 'See you later!' No - He is saying, 'Come, my child, let me walk with you and show you the way.' One day, I am confident I will see a beautiful masterpiece as all the heartaches and pain join together with the love, mercy and perfect will of God. God is [still] faithful!"

That was from another blogger going through infertility. I thought that was so sweet and God-inspired. It reminded me of my puzzle-working son. Often, we try to figure out on our own how all the pieces of our life fit together. We often try to force pieces together that aren't meant to go together. We want to do it our way. But then someone comes alongside us and offers to help, and we find that we have much more success when we work together.

I believe that God wants us to join Him while He is working out the puzzle masterpiece in our lives. The Bible teaches us that Jesus had not come to do His own will, but to do His father's will (John 4:34; 5:30; 6:38). He also said that to know what His father's will was, He watched to see what He was doing. Then he joined His father in that work.

"When you see the Father at work around you, that is your invitation to adjust your life to Him and join Him in that work...Recognizing God's activity is dependent on your love relationship with Him and His taking the initiative to open your spiritual eyes to see it." (Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby and Claude King)

I am so thankful that God has allowed me already to see part of that jigsaw puzzle taking shape. He has let me in on some of the secret. You know when you get a section of a puzzle put together and you see part of the picture forming? It inspires you and pushes you to keep working on it. When I see how God has used some of the "puzzles" of this infertility journey together for good for me or for others--and most importantly to glorify Him--I am humbly grateful and anxious in anticipation of what pieces He'll fit together next. He has invited me to join Him in this journey through a love relationship with Him and through obedience to His Word. I know He has allowed me to see part of the finished puzzle because He knows I need the encouragement that that knowledge brings. Seeing God's miracles and answers to my prayers is what gives me the courage to persevere in this journey to have another child.

Yet I am also thankful that God doesn't show me everything. If He did, He knows that I would need Him less. I would rely too much on myself and not enough on Him. I wouldn't have ever fallen on my knees in despair, begging Him for help. I wouldn't have come to realize that I have control over nothing, and only God is in complete control. So often God works around us while we do not see it. Whether He reveals His plan to us or not, it doesn't change the plan. Take for instance the story of Elisha in 2 Kings 6. An army had surrounded the city of Dothan in which Elisha and his servant were in. Because Elisha's servant was terrified, Elisha prayed: "'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." God was at work, even when the servant didn't see it.

Ever lost a couple pieces of the puzzle? That often happens to Preston. He puts together all the pieces he has and then realizes there are still some pieces missing. He can't see the whole picture. This side of heaven, we'll never know the full reason for why God allows the painful times in our lives. He is gracious enough to give us glimpses, and sometimes outright revelations, of His work. But one day, when we are with Him in eternity, we will see our finished life puzzle and praise Him for the perfect plan that He had all along.

God's Faithfulness in Infertility

Actually, the doctor calls us "sub-fertile", which basically means we CAN get pregnant, but it won't be easy! Most of my family and friends know about our almost 1-1/2 year struggle with trying to get pregnant after Brian's vasectomy reversal. Although it has been a difficult journey to be on, it has been a fully rewarding one as well. God has caused me to grow in my faith and in my relationship to Him in ways I could never have imagined. For that, I wouldn't trade one day of the experience.

To catch everyone up to speed: we are currently waiting to find out if I am pregnant this month after an IUI procedure done over a week ago. I emailed many of you before the procedure, asking you to pray for the procedure to go smoothly (it did!) and for me to become pregnant. We are even being so bold as to pray for twins. :) Please keep praying for us!! I can feel the Lord's presence so profoundly because of your prayers so far. I am so humbled and grateful for them.

During this time of waiting, I have felt the Lord impressing upon me three lessons, which I feel are intertwined: peace, promises, and patience:

PEACE
I have always loved Bible verses about peace. I am drawn to them. Perhaps it is because I struggle with being anxious a lot. I am not naturally calm, cool, and collected--just ask my husband! Recently, the Lord revealed something interesting to me about my favorite verse: Phil. 4:4-7. (I am actually memorizing verses 4-9 and 11-13 right now, which I would encourage you to do, too.) What stood out to me one day were the words "peace of God" and "guard" (vs. 7). In Webster's Dictionary peace is described by the words harmony, serenity, calm, quiet, silence. But God's peace acts as a defense and protection for our hearts and minds. The peace of God is calm and quiet, but it is also guarding us at the same time. What a powerful thought! It's hard to understand this kind of peace because God says it "transcends all understanding". But even though I don't understand it completely, I believe it. And that's all that God asks us to do. Knowing that God's peace is standing guard, I feel comforted and protected. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." That is a promise I rely on, especially during this time of infertility, which leads me to my next point...

PROMISES
I am currently doing a Bible study on my own about Psalms. The other day I was encouraged to write down specific promises which God has made in His word that I wanted Him to remember. And then to write down if there was a condition to those promises--that is, something I must do for them to be fulfilled. "Remember the word to Your servant, in which You have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me." (Psalm 119:49-50) Charles Spurgeon wrote, "When we see no present display of the divine power, it is wise to fall back upon the records of ages, since they are just as available as if the transactions were yesterday, seeing the Lord is always the same..." Looking not only to the Bible to see all of God's promises that were fulfilled, but also to promises He has fulfilled in my own life, I am encouraged and uplifted to trust God more fully in the present. God led me specifically to 10 promises in the Bible that I can apply to what I am going through right now, which I wrote about in my journal. I wanted to share some of them in this blog; the first one I have already talked about:
Promise: God's peace will guard my heart and mind. Condition: Pray and petition God with thanksgiving, focus my mind on pure and noble things, and put into practice what God commands in His word. (Psalm 4:6-13)
Promise: God's goodness will be upon me and He will give me exactly enough of Himself that I need: He'll be my portion. Condition: Wait silently and seek God. (Lamentations 3:21-26a)
Promise: God will give me the desires of my heart. Condition: Delight in the Lord, commit my ways to Him, and trust in Him. (Psalm 37:4-5)
Promise: I will receive whatever I ask for in prayer if it is God's will. Condition: Have faith, believe, have no doubt, and ask for it! (Matt. 21:22)
Promise: God will sustain me and not let me fall. Condition: Cast my cares upon Him. (Psalm 55:22)
Promise: I will have rest for my soul when I am weary and burdened. Condition: Come to Jesus, take His yoke upon me, and learn from His gentleness and humility. (Matt. 11:28-29)

I am comforted by God's promises during difficult times in my life. His promises are what give me hope, peace, and...

PATIENCE
Besides being anxiety-prone my nature, I am also prone to impatience. (Can I get an "Amen!" to that?!) It has been 3 years and 3 months since the Lord first placed the desire on my heart to have another child. God is obviously trying to teach me some patience! In my struggle with patience in getting pregnant, I have tried desperately to grasp on to the thin strands of hope that are often the only things left when the wait takes longer than you thought it would. About a month ago I came up with my definition for hope: faithful, unwavering expectation for something God will bring to pass in His time. That's what God has taught me the most through all of this: it will happen in HIS time. A friend of mine who knew about my struggle, shared a wonderful verse with me a few months ago. "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, just be patient. These things will surely come to pass. They will not be overdue a single day." Habakkuk 2:3 (Living Bible). What an awesome PROMISE (see how these words are intertwined?) this is. It gives me so much confidence in God and in my future. He has perfect timing: I do not. He knows what is best for my family: I do not. He is God: I am not.

While we are resting in God's PEACE, waiting in PATIENCE for God's PROMISES to be fulfilled, we should be involved with God in His work in our lives. John Waller wrote a beautiful song called "While I'm Waiting", which was in the great film Fireproof. He said this about the song: "The important thing to remember while we're waiting on God is to not just wait, but to actively wait. Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are, even while you wait."

God bless you all.

Confessions of a New Blogger...

I have decided to join the modern world and create a blog, with the hopes that something I have learned from the Lord and share with you will be helpful in your life's journey. My husband is always nagging at me to write, so I thought this might be a good way to get started. I used to love to write, but somewhere along the road, LIFE got in the way and I quit doing it. Or perhaps that has just been an excuse, my real reason being fear and lack of confidence. Probably the latter. Regardless, I have felt prompted by the Lord to start this blog not only for others, but for myself as well. At the same that it hopefully encourages some of you, it provides for me an outlet to begin writing again. My goal in this blog is to glorify the Lord by pointing out all that He has accomplished in my life up to this point in my existence. I am no great theologian nor Bible scholar. I don't claim to know all the answers to life's problems. I am not particularly well-spoken nor eloquent. I just humbly pray to be an open vessel through which the Lord can speak. So often I have an awesome quiet time with the Lord, or I learn something new in a Bible study, and I think to myself, "Who can I share this with? It's too good to keep to myself!" That's why I am starting this blog. I hope God uses something I write here to encourage you in some way. God bless!