I finally feel like I can breath a little, relax a little, smile a little. Yesterday was the best day we've had since being home. NO TANTRUMS!! Milkanu had a few little pouty moments when he was unhappy and ignored us for a little while, but it never developed into any meltdowns like it usually does. I kept holding my breath all day, expecting the inevitable, but then nothing bad ever happened. Even though I know we'll still have difficult, trying times with him, I am thankful for the good days that give me hope for a bright future. I keep trying to remind myself that it's not even been 2 weeks that we've been home. Also, it could be much worse, as it is for some other adoptive families. I'm trying to focus more on the positive, and now that we've had a good day, that is a little easier to do (at the moment). It also helps that Tadesse slept through the night, so I finally feel like we got some good solid sleep. Thanks Megan for suggesting the Melatonin! These feelings may not last, but it is a VERY welcome respite from the sadness, frustration, doubt, and despair I was feeling just two days ago.
Some of my favorite moments from yesterday were watching Milkanu race around the house chasing after his older brother and sister and tickling them, and the semi-quiet moments he and I spent reading books and working on colors during bathtime. We have a book about feelings, which features real photos of kids expressing different feelings (sadness, fear, happiness, loving, etc.). We've been trying to look at that book often with Milkanu and to talk about it the best we can. He seems to really like it. Yesterday I kept showing him "happy" and saying "Mommy, happy" while I smiled big. Then he would say "Milkanu happy". Then we'd demonstrate "loving" with a hug, just like the kids in the book were hugging. I'd show him "angry" on my face and pretend to hit, then I'd shake my head and say "de-DAN-cha" (not good/not okay). Then I'd demonstrate loving and say "DAN-cha" (it is good). I think he was getting it. Today and yesterday I have seen him get upset and withdrawn, but he seems to be controlling it better and not letting his feelings escalate into a tantrum. We usually just leave him alone, while staying in the same room, and then try to distract him with an activity after a little while. So far, it's been working.
Some things you may want to know about Milkanu: He is SO cute--especially when he smiles. His dimples are to die for, and so is his hair. He has semi-soft, loose curls. He is afraid of turtles (found this out in Ethiopia when he and Brian were at the park and saw some there). He eats almost any food we put in front of him. He eats huge portions. He loves ketchup. He does not like milk. He loves injera, which I buy from my Ethiopian friend Asmeret at her African store in Phoenix. He is being so much nicer to his brother than he was when we first got home. He loves to tickle and be tickled. He plays rough. He can count really well and recognize most numbers. He loves to learn. He is friendly, but also a little shy (especially when I try to take his picture). He does not like to wear pajama shorts, but instead picks out regular shorts every time. He likes to go through his whole closet of shirts each morning to pick out what he wants to wear. His favorite color shorts is khaki, which he will choose almost every time (I went out and bought a lot of those!). He does not want to wear colored shorts. He calls Preston "Presitent". When Daddy comes home he runs to greet him and give him a big hug (he does not do this when I come home!). He is afraid of the dark, so we leave the hallway light on with his door open. He is a really big, brave boy because he sleeps in his bed alone if I stay in there with him until he falls asleep. Now that he has dark curtains, he sleeps in until 7am. Preston is very happy about that because it is Preston's room that Milkanu goes into when he wakes up, and 5:30 am wake-ups were not fun! He is very coordinated and can kick the soccer ball well, throw/catch well, and dribble the basketball. Preston and Daddy are his favorites. He is a great kid, and every day that things go well with us, he and I grow closer and more attached. I do not love him with the same intensity that I do my other children, but I have no doubt that I will get there. With all that we've been through already, I know it's just going to take some time to form those close bonds. I do long for that day...
Some things you may want to know about Tadesse: He already has many nicknames, including Taddie, Toddie (Milkanu calls him this), SaySay (that's Taylor's name for him), Grumpy, Pain-in-the-butt... :) Yes, he has quite a personality. If he is unhappy, he lets you know it right away. It is obvious that his cuteness got him far at the orphanage with the nannies. He loves to throw a dramatic fit of wailing/screaming (which is usually tearless) when he doesn't get his way. Then if he gets picked up he turns immediately happy. He also hits and throws toys when he's mad. We're working on all of this with him, but it's not a big concern since he's so young. I know that a lot of kids at 18 months are that way, and all of that behavior is pretty easy to correct. He is very picky with food, but loves his bottle (instant breakfast drink or Pediasure for added nutrition). He will always eat a hard boiled egg (gobicho), so that is pretty much a staple for him 1-2 times a day. He is so loving and has the best smile and lots of teeth. He is attaching to me very well, along with Daddy and brother and sister. He yells "Ma" or "Mommy" very loudly when he wants my attention or when I leave the room. He is pretty wary of strangers. He is getting much better about playing by himself. Tadesse went from barely walking with help in Ethiopia, to cruising furniture, pulling himself up, getting down from the couch, and taking a step or two on his own. We are amazed how quickly he is progressing. We may have to see a PT because due to his rickets, his feet turn out quite a bit when he walks. I'm getting his leg x-rayed today to see how bad the rickets have affected him. Taddie gives wonderful hugs and loves to cuddle. My attachment to him has been much easier, and I'm grateful to have that with at least one of my boys. He was terrified of the dog at first, but is doing much better with her. He is good at repeating words, and he loves to "sing" and babble. We think he's actually saying words and phrases, but since they are in Sidama we don't know for sure! He gets very mad when the kids are outside and he is stuck inside. He does not like swings or being held up high (he gets scared). His hair is coarse and tightly curled. It's kind of like velcro with everything on the floor (dog hair) sticking to it! Overall, he seems to be adjusting very well, and we are really enjoying our time with him.
Brian just got home, and Milkanu did not even greet him. He's definetely in a "mood" again. I'm okay with that as long as it doesn't turn into anything else. We know he is very frustrated with the language barrier and he doesn't like to be told no when it's something he really wants to do. He had been rough-housing with Preston for a long time, and when Preston wanted him to stop, he didn't want to. Phew, this will definetely take some time...
Thank you for your prayers. Even though we've had a little less drama, I'm sure there is still much to come. So, please keep them coming. I will try my best to keep this blog updated as often as I am able. It's definetely harder to find time for myself than it was 3 weeks ago!
All my love...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Welcome Home Milkanu and Tadesse (What have we gotten ourselves into?!)
We are now a "Baker Half Dozen", and life will never be the same...
Sorry it has taken me awhile to update this blog. Thank you for all of you who are praying, bringing us meals, and keeping us in your thoughts. We REALLY appreciate it, and I don't think we would even be holding it together (which I feel like we are barely doing) if not for the support of so many of you. I don't know if I'll be able to respond right away to any emails that you send to us, but I will try to in the next couple weeks.
We came home with the boys last Saturday. It was a VERY difficult plane ride for many reasons too long to go in to right now. Basically, lack of sleep for all of us (the boys only slept about 2-3 hours in the entire almost 48 hours from waking on the day of departure until we got home in Phoenix Saturday evening), 24 hours of flying and 3 plane changes, plus a 5-yr-old who wouldn't listen and obey very well and who was VERY high strung and into everything AND had a wailing meltdown for about an hour in the airport and onto the plane, do not make a good combination for new parents! Probably one of the worst day(s) of our lives. :(
It's hard to know how to express our feelings, but I think I can sum it up by saying this has been the hardest week of our lives. Although we read the books, and took the classes, we do not feel prepared for what we are experiencing with Milkanu (the 5-1/2 year old). With him, it's 1 step forward and several steps back. I know it's only the first week and that things WILL get better, but when you are in the thick of it, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is a very sweet, handsome, smart boy with SO much energy. He has a beautiful smile and loves to laugh and play and learn. When we first got him home he was fascinated and into everything. He especially loved the light switches and remote controls. That part is getting better as he gets more used to his "new world". But he is also struggling a lot with testing boundaries, listening and obeying, controlling his anger, sadness, fear, and frustration with the language barrier. When he doesn't like being told no, there has been hitting/biting/kicking/scratching/pinching tantrums. We've had to hold him with a towel wrapped around him to prevent him from hurting us. He is very strong when he's out of control like that. After that goes on for at least 15-20 minutes, he "breaks" and dissolves into tears and wailing that can last up to an hour and a half. The first time it happened was very scarey and heartbreaking. He just has so much fear, sadness, and anger inside and doesn't know how to express it properly. He is not getting enough sleep at night for a child who expends so much energy, but we're having a hard time getting him to nap or rest during the day or sleep in. We have definetely learned that he gets overstimulated and overtired easily, and that that is a huge reason why he shuts down.
Thankfully, we have met an Ethiopian woman here who speaks the boys' language. She came over a few night ago and talked with Milkanu for over an hour. Since then, there has been little or not hitting, but we are still struggling with him not always listening and testing us, shutting down and ignoring us, and then he still dissolves into a wailing tantrum every day. Please understand that it is best to not have him meet too many people right now, because I think that has been overwhelming to him. He has really only been (mostly) around family, but I think even that is difficult for him--so many new people. If you are bringing a meal, we are SO appreciative, but we just ask that you don't bring your small children and keep the visit short. Also, we're only having family hold Tadesse at this time, so please don't be offended by that. Thank you so much for understanding, as we're trying to do what's best to help these boys.
Tadesse is very cute and sweet and loving when he wants to be, and then has quite an attitude when he chooses to! He is attaching well, and still quite wary of strangers. He really is hilarious--especially when he is mad and giving you the "stink eye". He wasn't walking when we brought him home, and has made HUGE improvements in just a week. He is now cruising the furniture and loves to walk around the house with help. He turns his feet out quite a bit when he walks, due to the rickets (caused by malnutrition/lack of Vitamin D: it causes his leg bones to be weak and somewhat bowed), so we may need to see a specialist. The doctor has ordered a bone scan of his femur to see how extensive the rickets is. Usually, with proper nutrition and exercise, the rickets is reversable. His big belly from malnutrition is a concern to the doctors, too, but he is on special vitamins and Pedisure, and that should get better, too. Tadesse's health issues are very common for kids from Ethiopia, but our regular pediatrition is not very familiar with situations like this. Unfortunately, there are no pediatric specialists in international adoption in our area/state that I know of. But the international adoption pediatrician that we paid for to look at the boys' referral information and to prescribe medication for the boys while we were in Ethiopia gave us a list of tests to have the local doctor's run. I've given that to our doctor and she has written up lab requests (stool, urine, and blood). Should be a lot of fun trying to get those done! The doctor was also concerned about Milkanu's height (39"), which is very short, but that is also common with Ethiopian adopted children because of poor nutrition, and usually changes quickly once they are in the U.S. Besides some eczema patches (common in African American people) and each of them having a cold, they both seem to be in pretty good health.
Okay, that was quite a long update. For those of you who get my blog sent to your email or read it online, you will notice that this same email is posted there, so just skip or delete it. The rest of my updates on the boys in the future will be posted there, instead of by mass email. I also have a few pictures of the boys on my blog.
For those of you who are believers, please keep us in your prayers. Only God can get us through this in one piece! I keep trying to remember that when I am weak, HE is strong. And please forgive us if we don't call back or email back quickly. I'll do my best, but life in the Baker home is a little crazy and unsettled right now... :)
Prayer requests:
1) Tadesse to sleep through the night.
2) Milkanu to sleep in later in the morning and/or to nap or rest once during the day.
3) Milkanu: less tantrums/crying
4) Milkanu: to listen to us and be obedient (less testing).
5) For both boys to adjust quickly and bond well with all of us.
6) Healing for the pain and loss the boys' have experienced (especially Milkanu).
7) For Milkanu to learn English quickly so we can better communicate.
8) Patience and guidance for Brian and I in parenting.
Thank you all!
Love, Tammy and Brian
--
Sorry it has taken me awhile to update this blog. Thank you for all of you who are praying, bringing us meals, and keeping us in your thoughts. We REALLY appreciate it, and I don't think we would even be holding it together (which I feel like we are barely doing) if not for the support of so many of you. I don't know if I'll be able to respond right away to any emails that you send to us, but I will try to in the next couple weeks.
We came home with the boys last Saturday. It was a VERY difficult plane ride for many reasons too long to go in to right now. Basically, lack of sleep for all of us (the boys only slept about 2-3 hours in the entire almost 48 hours from waking on the day of departure until we got home in Phoenix Saturday evening), 24 hours of flying and 3 plane changes, plus a 5-yr-old who wouldn't listen and obey very well and who was VERY high strung and into everything AND had a wailing meltdown for about an hour in the airport and onto the plane, do not make a good combination for new parents! Probably one of the worst day(s) of our lives. :(
It's hard to know how to express our feelings, but I think I can sum it up by saying this has been the hardest week of our lives. Although we read the books, and took the classes, we do not feel prepared for what we are experiencing with Milkanu (the 5-1/2 year old). With him, it's 1 step forward and several steps back. I know it's only the first week and that things WILL get better, but when you are in the thick of it, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is a very sweet, handsome, smart boy with SO much energy. He has a beautiful smile and loves to laugh and play and learn. When we first got him home he was fascinated and into everything. He especially loved the light switches and remote controls. That part is getting better as he gets more used to his "new world". But he is also struggling a lot with testing boundaries, listening and obeying, controlling his anger, sadness, fear, and frustration with the language barrier. When he doesn't like being told no, there has been hitting/biting/kicking/scratching/pinching tantrums. We've had to hold him with a towel wrapped around him to prevent him from hurting us. He is very strong when he's out of control like that. After that goes on for at least 15-20 minutes, he "breaks" and dissolves into tears and wailing that can last up to an hour and a half. The first time it happened was very scarey and heartbreaking. He just has so much fear, sadness, and anger inside and doesn't know how to express it properly. He is not getting enough sleep at night for a child who expends so much energy, but we're having a hard time getting him to nap or rest during the day or sleep in. We have definetely learned that he gets overstimulated and overtired easily, and that that is a huge reason why he shuts down.
Thankfully, we have met an Ethiopian woman here who speaks the boys' language. She came over a few night ago and talked with Milkanu for over an hour. Since then, there has been little or not hitting, but we are still struggling with him not always listening and testing us, shutting down and ignoring us, and then he still dissolves into a wailing tantrum every day. Please understand that it is best to not have him meet too many people right now, because I think that has been overwhelming to him. He has really only been (mostly) around family, but I think even that is difficult for him--so many new people. If you are bringing a meal, we are SO appreciative, but we just ask that you don't bring your small children and keep the visit short. Also, we're only having family hold Tadesse at this time, so please don't be offended by that. Thank you so much for understanding, as we're trying to do what's best to help these boys.
Tadesse is very cute and sweet and loving when he wants to be, and then has quite an attitude when he chooses to! He is attaching well, and still quite wary of strangers. He really is hilarious--especially when he is mad and giving you the "stink eye". He wasn't walking when we brought him home, and has made HUGE improvements in just a week. He is now cruising the furniture and loves to walk around the house with help. He turns his feet out quite a bit when he walks, due to the rickets (caused by malnutrition/lack of Vitamin D: it causes his leg bones to be weak and somewhat bowed), so we may need to see a specialist. The doctor has ordered a bone scan of his femur to see how extensive the rickets is. Usually, with proper nutrition and exercise, the rickets is reversable. His big belly from malnutrition is a concern to the doctors, too, but he is on special vitamins and Pedisure, and that should get better, too. Tadesse's health issues are very common for kids from Ethiopia, but our regular pediatrition is not very familiar with situations like this. Unfortunately, there are no pediatric specialists in international adoption in our area/state that I know of. But the international adoption pediatrician that we paid for to look at the boys' referral information and to prescribe medication for the boys while we were in Ethiopia gave us a list of tests to have the local doctor's run. I've given that to our doctor and she has written up lab requests (stool, urine, and blood). Should be a lot of fun trying to get those done! The doctor was also concerned about Milkanu's height (39"), which is very short, but that is also common with Ethiopian adopted children because of poor nutrition, and usually changes quickly once they are in the U.S. Besides some eczema patches (common in African American people) and each of them having a cold, they both seem to be in pretty good health.
Okay, that was quite a long update. For those of you who get my blog sent to your email or read it online, you will notice that this same email is posted there, so just skip or delete it. The rest of my updates on the boys in the future will be posted there, instead of by mass email. I also have a few pictures of the boys on my blog.
For those of you who are believers, please keep us in your prayers. Only God can get us through this in one piece! I keep trying to remember that when I am weak, HE is strong. And please forgive us if we don't call back or email back quickly. I'll do my best, but life in the Baker home is a little crazy and unsettled right now... :)
Prayer requests:
1) Tadesse to sleep through the night.
2) Milkanu to sleep in later in the morning and/or to nap or rest once during the day.
3) Milkanu: less tantrums/crying
4) Milkanu: to listen to us and be obedient (less testing).
5) For both boys to adjust quickly and bond well with all of us.
6) Healing for the pain and loss the boys' have experienced (especially Milkanu).
7) For Milkanu to learn English quickly so we can better communicate.
8) Patience and guidance for Brian and I in parenting.
Thank you all!
Love, Tammy and Brian
--
Friday, June 3, 2011
We're going to get our boys!!!!
Yes, after 6 weeks of waiting, we finally have news that we can go back to get our boys and bring them home. As you can imagine, we are overjoyed. The first four weeks went pretty quickly, as I was pretty busy, but now that things have slowed down a bit, it has been very hard to wait. Waking up Tuesday morning to an email from the Adoption Unit of the U.S. Embassy in Ethiopia, letting us know they were ready for us to schedule an appointment, was the best news we've had in a long time. We have also received news from another AP (adoptive parent) who was recently in Ethiopia and saw our boys at WACAP House that the kids there are doing great. At the time, there were seven boys there--which were all kids from our group, Travel Group #43. She said that they were happy and healthy and receiving very good care. It was nice to hear that the WACAP House is quite a bit better than the orphanage. The AP also recalled that Tadesse was being carried around everywhere by his nanny, and that they "never saw his feet touch the ground"! Sounds just like him. :) We're going to have to really work on his leg strength, and I am sure I will build up some hefty biceps carrying him around everywhere. I know that holding him a lot is important for bonding (this goes for both boys), but we'll also have to get him used to bearing weight on his legs so he will quickly catch up developmentally. We received pictures of the boys a little after we left, and it was so sweet to see their faces filling out and some hair on their heads! I am sure they'll look even more different when we see them next. So exciting!!!!
For those of you following along on our trip and praying for us along the way (please!) here is a breakdown of our upcoming trip:
Thursday, June 9: leave Phoenix for Washington D.C.
Friday, June 10: spend a day in D.C.
Saturday, June 11: leave for Ethiopia at 12:00pm (13-hr. flight)
Sunday, June 12: arrive in Ethiopia at 7:45am (Ethiopia is 10 hours ahead of us), spend day sightseeing if weather permits
Monday, June 13: see the boys!!!! Spend part of the day at WACAP House with them and rest of the day on our own (shopping, sightseeing, etc.)
Tuesday, June 14: see the boys, goodbye ceremony, pictures
Wednesday, June 15: take kids into custody!
Thursday, June 16: embassy interview
Friday, June 17: leave for home at 10:15pm
Saturday, June 18: arrive in Phoenix at 5pm
Our flight home from Ethiopia with the boys will be the toughest. The flight from Ethiopia is 17 hours nonstop, then we get off in D.C. for 4 hours, then we fly 2 hours to Detroit, one hour layover, then 4 hours to Phoenix. So that's 29 hours of travel, with 23 of the hours on planes. I am really anxious about that part, so I would really appreciate your prayers. I think Milkanu will do fine, but we're quite nervous about how Tadesse will do. I think he'll be used to us by then (we hope!), but he is a baby, and that's a lot of time confined on an airplane. We are praying that both of the kids sleep a lot and that we are able to as well.
I completely believe in the power of prayer. God has shown us his faithfulness to answer prayers SO many times throughout this almost 6-year journey of wanting to expand our family. I have so many of you to thank for that, as you covered us in your prayers and interceded for us so many times. Thank you so much. But I need you to keep praying! Not only for our bonding with the boys in country, and our travel home, but also for the transition once we get home. For now, I most covet your prayers during travel. I know I'm getting specific here, but it would be awesome if you could lift us up in prayer especially while we're flying during the following hours (converted to Arizona time): Friday, June 17 at 12:15pm to Saturday at 5pm. Just whenever you are awake and thinking about us!
I have a lot to do still today, so I better go now. I will try to update this blog while we're in Ethiopia if I am able. They are in the rainy season now, so we may be stuck inside a lot, giving me opportunities to get on the computers in the lobby/office area. I just hope I brought enough toys for the boys if we're stuck inside... :(
God bless you all!
P.S. A friend of mine told me about this awesome video on YouTube that you guys have to check out when you get the chance. It's about 7 minutes long and it WILL make you cry. Search "Depraved Indifference, Eric Ludy". Incredible...
For those of you following along on our trip and praying for us along the way (please!) here is a breakdown of our upcoming trip:
Thursday, June 9: leave Phoenix for Washington D.C.
Friday, June 10: spend a day in D.C.
Saturday, June 11: leave for Ethiopia at 12:00pm (13-hr. flight)
Sunday, June 12: arrive in Ethiopia at 7:45am (Ethiopia is 10 hours ahead of us), spend day sightseeing if weather permits
Monday, June 13: see the boys!!!! Spend part of the day at WACAP House with them and rest of the day on our own (shopping, sightseeing, etc.)
Tuesday, June 14: see the boys, goodbye ceremony, pictures
Wednesday, June 15: take kids into custody!
Thursday, June 16: embassy interview
Friday, June 17: leave for home at 10:15pm
Saturday, June 18: arrive in Phoenix at 5pm
Our flight home from Ethiopia with the boys will be the toughest. The flight from Ethiopia is 17 hours nonstop, then we get off in D.C. for 4 hours, then we fly 2 hours to Detroit, one hour layover, then 4 hours to Phoenix. So that's 29 hours of travel, with 23 of the hours on planes. I am really anxious about that part, so I would really appreciate your prayers. I think Milkanu will do fine, but we're quite nervous about how Tadesse will do. I think he'll be used to us by then (we hope!), but he is a baby, and that's a lot of time confined on an airplane. We are praying that both of the kids sleep a lot and that we are able to as well.
I completely believe in the power of prayer. God has shown us his faithfulness to answer prayers SO many times throughout this almost 6-year journey of wanting to expand our family. I have so many of you to thank for that, as you covered us in your prayers and interceded for us so many times. Thank you so much. But I need you to keep praying! Not only for our bonding with the boys in country, and our travel home, but also for the transition once we get home. For now, I most covet your prayers during travel. I know I'm getting specific here, but it would be awesome if you could lift us up in prayer especially while we're flying during the following hours (converted to Arizona time): Friday, June 17 at 12:15pm to Saturday at 5pm. Just whenever you are awake and thinking about us!
I have a lot to do still today, so I better go now. I will try to update this blog while we're in Ethiopia if I am able. They are in the rainy season now, so we may be stuck inside a lot, giving me opportunities to get on the computers in the lobby/office area. I just hope I brought enough toys for the boys if we're stuck inside... :(
God bless you all!
P.S. A friend of mine told me about this awesome video on YouTube that you guys have to check out when you get the chance. It's about 7 minutes long and it WILL make you cry. Search "Depraved Indifference, Eric Ludy". Incredible...
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