God's Faithfulness in Infertility

Actually, the doctor calls us "sub-fertile", which basically means we CAN get pregnant, but it won't be easy! Most of my family and friends know about our almost 1-1/2 year struggle with trying to get pregnant after Brian's vasectomy reversal. Although it has been a difficult journey to be on, it has been a fully rewarding one as well. God has caused me to grow in my faith and in my relationship to Him in ways I could never have imagined. For that, I wouldn't trade one day of the experience.

To catch everyone up to speed: we are currently waiting to find out if I am pregnant this month after an IUI procedure done over a week ago. I emailed many of you before the procedure, asking you to pray for the procedure to go smoothly (it did!) and for me to become pregnant. We are even being so bold as to pray for twins. :) Please keep praying for us!! I can feel the Lord's presence so profoundly because of your prayers so far. I am so humbled and grateful for them.

During this time of waiting, I have felt the Lord impressing upon me three lessons, which I feel are intertwined: peace, promises, and patience:

PEACE
I have always loved Bible verses about peace. I am drawn to them. Perhaps it is because I struggle with being anxious a lot. I am not naturally calm, cool, and collected--just ask my husband! Recently, the Lord revealed something interesting to me about my favorite verse: Phil. 4:4-7. (I am actually memorizing verses 4-9 and 11-13 right now, which I would encourage you to do, too.) What stood out to me one day were the words "peace of God" and "guard" (vs. 7). In Webster's Dictionary peace is described by the words harmony, serenity, calm, quiet, silence. But God's peace acts as a defense and protection for our hearts and minds. The peace of God is calm and quiet, but it is also guarding us at the same time. What a powerful thought! It's hard to understand this kind of peace because God says it "transcends all understanding". But even though I don't understand it completely, I believe it. And that's all that God asks us to do. Knowing that God's peace is standing guard, I feel comforted and protected. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." That is a promise I rely on, especially during this time of infertility, which leads me to my next point...

PROMISES
I am currently doing a Bible study on my own about Psalms. The other day I was encouraged to write down specific promises which God has made in His word that I wanted Him to remember. And then to write down if there was a condition to those promises--that is, something I must do for them to be fulfilled. "Remember the word to Your servant, in which You have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has revived me." (Psalm 119:49-50) Charles Spurgeon wrote, "When we see no present display of the divine power, it is wise to fall back upon the records of ages, since they are just as available as if the transactions were yesterday, seeing the Lord is always the same..." Looking not only to the Bible to see all of God's promises that were fulfilled, but also to promises He has fulfilled in my own life, I am encouraged and uplifted to trust God more fully in the present. God led me specifically to 10 promises in the Bible that I can apply to what I am going through right now, which I wrote about in my journal. I wanted to share some of them in this blog; the first one I have already talked about:
Promise: God's peace will guard my heart and mind. Condition: Pray and petition God with thanksgiving, focus my mind on pure and noble things, and put into practice what God commands in His word. (Psalm 4:6-13)
Promise: God's goodness will be upon me and He will give me exactly enough of Himself that I need: He'll be my portion. Condition: Wait silently and seek God. (Lamentations 3:21-26a)
Promise: God will give me the desires of my heart. Condition: Delight in the Lord, commit my ways to Him, and trust in Him. (Psalm 37:4-5)
Promise: I will receive whatever I ask for in prayer if it is God's will. Condition: Have faith, believe, have no doubt, and ask for it! (Matt. 21:22)
Promise: God will sustain me and not let me fall. Condition: Cast my cares upon Him. (Psalm 55:22)
Promise: I will have rest for my soul when I am weary and burdened. Condition: Come to Jesus, take His yoke upon me, and learn from His gentleness and humility. (Matt. 11:28-29)

I am comforted by God's promises during difficult times in my life. His promises are what give me hope, peace, and...

PATIENCE
Besides being anxiety-prone my nature, I am also prone to impatience. (Can I get an "Amen!" to that?!) It has been 3 years and 3 months since the Lord first placed the desire on my heart to have another child. God is obviously trying to teach me some patience! In my struggle with patience in getting pregnant, I have tried desperately to grasp on to the thin strands of hope that are often the only things left when the wait takes longer than you thought it would. About a month ago I came up with my definition for hope: faithful, unwavering expectation for something God will bring to pass in His time. That's what God has taught me the most through all of this: it will happen in HIS time. A friend of mine who knew about my struggle, shared a wonderful verse with me a few months ago. "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, just be patient. These things will surely come to pass. They will not be overdue a single day." Habakkuk 2:3 (Living Bible). What an awesome PROMISE (see how these words are intertwined?) this is. It gives me so much confidence in God and in my future. He has perfect timing: I do not. He knows what is best for my family: I do not. He is God: I am not.

While we are resting in God's PEACE, waiting in PATIENCE for God's PROMISES to be fulfilled, we should be involved with God in His work in our lives. John Waller wrote a beautiful song called "While I'm Waiting", which was in the great film Fireproof. He said this about the song: "The important thing to remember while we're waiting on God is to not just wait, but to actively wait. Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are, even while you wait."

God bless you all.