As you probably guessed from the title, it is a "no" again this month. Thank you all so much for your fervent prayers. I know you all wanted this to happen for us. I have to be honest, that as I write this I am just kind of numb. I am deeply saddened about the outcome, but I can't seem to cry right now. Maybe it's because I got all of my crying out on Wednesday when I took an early pregnancy test that came back negative. Unfortunately, my husband and my friend Angela got the brunt of my despair when they called on Wednesday morning. However, since it was early and I hadn't started my cycle yet, I allowed myself to have a tiny fraction of hope. But the second negative this morning pretty much confirms things. I will stop taking the progesterone and should begin my next cycle in the next day or so. For once, I really don't know what to write. I know that God is still God, and I still trust Him fully for our future. I am just SO tired of going through this emotional turmoil every month. Maybe from now on it will be a little better, though. With no medical intervention, perhaps my expectations will be lower hence forth. I don't know, though--hope is a very determined emotion. For me, hope and hopelessness seem to go hand in hand these last several years. I know that doesn't make much sense, but it's kind of how I feel every month. Anyway, as my husband reminds me, whatever is to happen WILL happen as it should, because God is in control. I've never doubted that, but it's the struggle to reach that future that is sometimes so difficult to take. I'll close with the words--His words--that I just "happened" to read in my devotional time on Wednesday:
"You are good, and what you do is good." Psalm 119:68
How can I argue with that...
No comments:
Post a Comment