12-Week Update

I am letting you know right now that this blog post may be looooong and filled with random thoughts as I reflect on the last couple months in our family's lives. It just takes too much time and thought at this point to organize my writing into a cohesive and clever tale, so (sorry) this is what you get. You've been duly warned...

I have been meaning to update everyone on the boys and how we are all doing for a few weeks now, but alas, "life" gets in the way of my intentions to sit at the computer for any length of time. One would think that with Milkanu and Taylor in school that I would have a lot more time on my hands... but that just isn't happening yet. My house is slightly cleaner (yet I still haven't begun the thorough deep cleaning I keep planning to do), I have made it back to the gym (Taddie goes with me twice a week) and running on the treadmill at home, and I am managing to be fairly successful in homeschooling Preston and taking care of a toddler. But I don't seem to get much further than that. I swear I am at the grocery store at least two times a week, and usually three. I can't believe how much more food we go through with four kids. Plus, my scattered brain usually forgets several items at each shopping trip, forcing me to return a day or two later. Tadesse, although immensely adorable, does not allow me to get a lot accomplished until he takes a nap. His naptime is usually spent with me picking up the house, taking a shower, returning a few quick emails, paying bills, running to the store, and playing a game and/or getting school done with Preston. I keep wanting to take a nap, but that hasn't worked out yet. When Taddie's not napping, I seem to spend my time herding him out of the room Preston happens to be in so that his older brother can concentrate on school. During the day I am constantly picking up toys; wiping down messy counters, high chairs, and faces; searching for the missing sippy cup as Taddie follows me around like a scratched record yelling, "MA, WAH!"; changing diapers; washing clothes; correcting school work; picking up a fussy toddler ("MA, UP!"); dropping off at school; picking up at school; brushing someone's teeth; getting someone dressed; making someone lunch or a snack... NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING!!! In fact, just so that some of you don't roll your eyes and stop reading right now, please hear this: I do know that many of you are just as busy, if not busier than me right now. I am merely stating all this to emphasize the fact that this "busyness" is totally new for me, and so different than what my life was 3 months ago. The old me would look at the clock right now as I sit here typing and think, "Oh, it's only 9:50pm--I still have plenty of time before the night comes to a close." That Me is long gone. I keep glancing at the clock and stressing that it's almost 10 and I'm not in bed! So, alas, I will pick this up tomorrow. Let me just finish this thought, though. I am getting used to this new life, and I am learning to love it. I am thankful for the chaos because the two little guys who have brought it into my life are truly blessings from God. (I couldn't say that in all honesty two months ago, as many of you know!)

Okay, it's now a week later... So much for updating this blog in a timely manner. I really need to post more often so this isn't such a daunting task. I feel like I have so much to say, because so much has happened--and immensely improved--in the last month or so from my last post. Most importantly, it feels like Milkanu has turned a corner. I will use his own words spoken two days ago to explain what I mean by that:

"Mommy, Milkanu very, very happy all day now, all time."

That sums it up exactly. He's really happy. And truly he has been that way ALL the time for two weeks now, with not even a hint of a meltdown or tantrum. We've been home for more than three months, and what a difference three months makes! We have had no discipline issues, complete obedience, and no tears. It has been amazing. He is warm and affectionate and very quick to smile. Have I mentioned yet that he has the most amazing smile I have ever seen? Truly! I've even been able to talk about Ethiopia and his birth family with him a little bit without him getting emotional, like he has in the past when I've tried it. He seems so much more relaxed and comfortable, which allows us to relax more around him. Up until a few weeks ago, I spent so much time being anxious and in anticipation of a breakdown that I couldn't fully enjoy Milkanu's company. I feel like I can finally let down my guard. It's a wonderfully freeing feeling. Not that I am naive enough to think we will never have any more issues. Of course we will. We have had lots of ups and downs and stretches of good behavior, but none quite like this. This just feels so different. And I am just so thrilled for Milkanu. After all that he has been through, he deserves to be happy, to feel loved, secure, and safe. He deserves to be a little kid, without the weight of trauma and loss and fear on his small shoulders. I praise God for bringing him to where he is today.

(Four days later...) I think tonight I will finally finish what I've started with this post. However, I don't predict that I will be able to sum everything up quickly because I keep thinking of new things to write about. Can you tell I am in a much better place than I was when I posted in June right after we got home? Uh, yeah! So yesterday and today the word "irony" took on a whole new meaning for me. Or maybe it's "Murphy's Law". I don't know. I just know that I kept finding myself humming that Alanis Morisette song throughout the day, thinking she could have been singing about life with little kids. I am sure many of you can relate to the following:

Of course it's only when you put your 6-yr-old in a clean, white polo that the teacher decides to hand out chocolate ice cream at lunch. Or when you just washed the sheets that morning (after putting it off for a month) that your child drinks too much water at his soccer game and pees in his bed. Or when your older son scores his first goal of the season at the precise time that your younger one spills his entire cherry snowcone on his lap, and of course no one else from your family is there to have witnessed the goal either (or to help you clean up while your toddler is about to run on the soccer field). Or you go into the Burger King bathroom to change a very poopy diaper when you are an hour from home, to find there is no changing table in the bathroom (that should be illegal). So you lay your baby on the crowded floor of your car and change him there as he screams as if you are beating him and bystanders throw you dirty looks, praying that you won't run out of wipes before the deed is done. (Is it bad to throw said dirty diaper in the inside restaurant trash just for spite?) Can anyone relate???!!!!

But although my day started out not as good--especially when Taddie only slept for about 45 minutes in the car, with no other nap, and proceeded to be a whiny MESS the rest of the day--it ended awesomely. Milkanu was really tired and was going to go to bed early, but then as we were reading a book about Ethiopia, it opened up a discussion about his birth family that lasted about forty-five minutes. Up until a few weeks ago, we hadn't been able to talk about this subject in much detail without him getting emotional and upset. He was eager to talk about his home, which I learned was a very small grass hut with tree branches on the ground to sleep on and a very flimsy front door, which scared him because he was afraid of what or who might come in. A few weeks ago he told me (and then again tonight) about a lion that was once outside of his house that roared very loudly and scared him quite a bit. Apparently, villagers tried to shoot it, but missed. He told me today that it bit someone, but they survived. I also learned that he had two chickens for eggs and a cow (or two?) for milk. He said he stayed inside the house most of the time and didn't have any toys. But the big breakthrough today was in talking about a particular member of his birth family. To protect his privacy, I won't give any specific details, but I will say that it was a very exciting (and sad) conversation. We even put this family member's picture on his bedside table, which was something he absolutely did not want there when he first came to America. Milkanu handled the conversation very well, and I proceeded very slowly and carefully, taking cues from him. He talked about how he felt when he was brought to the orphanage and how sad he was. It just broke my heart, and I had a hard time fighting back the tears. I was able to express to him how this birth family member felt (as expressed to us when we met with this person in Ethiopia), and explain to him why his family could no longer take care of him and Tadesse. I think he understood most of what I was saying; what a breakthrough! Tonight was a very important step in his emotional healing from his past, and I am so thankful to have been able to share it with him. I cannot fully explain how it feels to learn information about your own son's first five years of life that you did not know about. I have felt so left out and saddened for missing so much, but as he learns more English and talks about his life before he came to be with us, I feel more and more connected to him. It's fascinating, really. And exciting. And I can't wait to find out more.

An interesting and unique thing about Milkanu is that he is VERY good at folding clothes, cleaning, and making his bed. You would think he had been in the military after watching how neat and precise he is. It's quite amazing for his age. When I asked him about it today, he said that in the orphanage he always made his own bed and no one helped him. He said he had to do most things by himself there, and he likes it here when people help him. He also talked about not ever having a pillow before, and how much he likes his new home, room, bed, and pillow. Can you even imagine?

So, I'll try my best now to update you on the kids more specifically. Taddie has grown more than 2 inches and has gained five pounds in the three months that he has been in America. Isn't that amazing? He is saying lots of words on his own, and repeats even more. In fact, he tries to say most every word you ask him to. The most recent words he has been saying a lot are "ahmarica" (Milkanu got a harmonica for his birthday) and "waffle" (his favorite breakfast food). He is super sweet and loving, but he is completely going through the "terrible twos" already. He spends lots of moments in two-minute time-outs. Usually it's for an infraction against his older brother or for throwing a screaming tantrum because he doesn't get what he wants. He always wants what someone else is playing with even if he stopped playing with it. He really tests us by deliberately doing what we tell him not to. Typical toddler stuff, really. It's just a little harder now that I'm a little older than the last time I dealt with this! On the flip side, my favorite thing about Taddie is that he is so loving to those he knows, and he is getting much better at warming up to strangers. He has attached so well to our family and goes to everyone readily. Preston, who before was very nervous around babies, is quite attached to Taddie, and Taddie in return to Preston. This year they have together before Preston goes to high school has been priceless. And I love that Taddie is very affectionate towards Brian, and easily goes to him for comfort. When Taylor and Preston were little, they mainly just wanted Mommy. So big difference there. It brings such joy to my heart to see Brian and Taddie interact together, especially because Brian has never been "into" babies. What a blessing (and a challenge!) Tadesse has been to our family. :)

School for Taylor and Milkanu has been going so awesome. I think I talked about that in another post, but I'll just touch on it briefly here. I am so, so, so, so thankful that we chose to put Milkanu in school. It was the right choice for him and for the rest of the family as well. I don't think he would be doing as well as he is in our family had he not had that experience. He told me that he loves school, and his teacher tells me that he is such a joy in class. He has been going for 6 weeks now, and in that time he has learned a lot of English, is learning to read, writes much better, and is more outgoing. We have only had two mornings with a little bit of crying and not wanting to go to school and both of those were because of lack of sleep. But on both occasions he was fine by the time we got to school. He went on his first field trip last week to a fire station and he had such a good time. For weeks leading up to it he couldn't wait to ride on the school bus! On our way to school every day he counts the yellow school buses that we pass. It's just funny that that was the highlight of the trip for him. His teacher told me that it was such a joy watching the wonder in his eyes as he experienced so many new things. I couldn't be more pleased with how well he is doing.

One of my most favorite things that has happened since bringing Milkanu home has been celebrating his 6th birthday. Having NEVER before celebrated a birthday, this was a totally foreign concept to him. His birthday was last Wednesday, September 14. It was a especially poignant time for me because it marked six years since God had first placed adoption on our hearts. Looking back, I am so amazed we are where we are today with the answer to our prayers (even though three months ago, it honestly didn't feel like the answer that we wanted!) He had no idea what a birthday cake or presents were. It was so much fun watching him delight in the attention that he got on his special day and during his party on the weekend. For his birthday, I made cupcakes to hand out at school and cookies to give at soccer. At school he got to wear a birthday hat and blow out a big candle while everyone sang happy birthday. All his classmates made him individual homemade cards, which were adorable! Saturday we all dressed up in our Ethiopian clothes (well, the little kids and I did, while Taylor and Preston wore soccer jerseys from Ethiopia) and went to a local Ethiopian restaurant. I'll try to remember to post pictures of that soon. The food was SO yummy and Milkanu loved it very much. Sunday we had a family party for him with his favorite food--pizza--and a "Finding Nemo" birthday cake, along with balloons, signs, hats, and blowers. Aunt Nise, Uncle Jake, all his cousins, and all the grandparents were there to share in his special celebration. The gift opening was confusing to him, but his big cousin was happy to help show him how to tear the wrapping paper. His big gift was a train set/table that we all pitched in to buy, and Preston spent the next two days building. I think he will always remember his "first" birthday. :)

Favorite things Milkanu has said, or done (told you I was skipping around): 1) When I reading something to myself, he kept telling me that no, I wasn't reading because he couldn't hear me. I told him that I was reading it in my head, so he proceeded to lean in real close to try to "hear" my reading. :) 2) When he sings the alphabet song, at the end he accidently says: "Next time, don't you sing with me". 3) The words "two" and "too" used to really confuse him. When I said, "I love you, too." Milkanu would say, "I love you three." Love it!

Okay, another random thought--probably the last of the night: I told my family today that when I gained more kids, I lost more brain cells. I often can't seem to remember what I've told people or what they've told me, can't focus on more than one child talking to me at the same time, can't play Sequence with my older son while my husband is telling me a soccer story and Taddie is crying at my side (I'm so irritated I didn't block Preston's move and therefore lost the game today), and can't complete a thought in this blog to save my life... Ugghh!

Thanks for understanding...

And loving me anyway...

I think it best I go to bed now... :)