Just wanted to post an update on what the "plan" is for this month. Of course, this is just our plan, who knows what God is going to do! We decided to take a month off from any fertility treatment and try it on our own this month. Please pray for a miracle that this could happen without any medical intervention. If we don't get pregnant this month, we'll proceed with the IUI procedure again next month. My fertility doc thinks that perhaps the timing was wrong last month, based on all the data. We're going to do an ultrasound earlier next cycle to try to better time the procedure. I am still very optimistic, but I am so anxious for this to happen. As you all know, it's so difficult to wait for something that you long for with all of your heart. But at least we can rest in the knowledge that God's plan is far better than our plan.
Last month I mentioned that I felt an overwhelming confidence that this would happen someday for us. Following that conviction, I felt like God was leading me to take some steps of faith to demonstrate my belief. The first step was to boldly announce my belief to friends and family, as I did to some personally and in this blog. Then, I was prodded a little further a couple weeks ago by a friend of mine. She encouraged me to purchase a few baby things in confidence that I would have a child to use them. Further steps of faith. I had done this over a year ago after Brian had the reversal surgery, when I was confident that it would happen right away (but God likes to keep us guessing!). I purchased a onesie the first month we began trying to conceive. I also purchased a few maternity items in the beginning months. I think my sister-in-law, Denise, thought I was crazy since I wasn't pregnant yet! I had such confidence. But since then, caution has stopped me from buying anything else.
But I think it's time to throw caution to the wind! Since I wasn't quite brave enough to purchase any big baby items, I decided my "faith step" would be to knit some baby things for our future baby. I believe God will honor that stepping out, and that He will bless us for it. True faith, I think, involves a progression of steps. When we first come to a belief in Jesus Christ as our Savior, we believe it in our head; we think it. The next step would be to proclaim our faith aloud; we say it. Then we act out our faith through water baptism (as a symbol of our faith) and through a life led by Jesus; we live it. So in this same way, I feel like I am progressing in faith. I first believed God would bless us with a child, then I told others about my belief that this will happen, and now I am trying to take actions that show God and those around me that I truly believe this will happen for us. I know that our "faith in action" can, and will, move God to act because it says so in the Bible:
"Faith without works is dead." James 2:20
"[Jesus] said, 'Your faith has healed you.'" Matt. 9:22
"According to your faith will it be done to you." Matt 9:29
"Woman, you have great faith. Your request is granted." Matt. 15:26
"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well...The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:15a, 16b
And when I am tempted to doubt because of what I SEE with my eyes: I am 35 (which lowers my odds of getting pregnant), my husband has fertility issues, and we've been trying for almost 1-1/2 years with no success, God brings this verse to my mind:
"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corin. 5:7
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