We are now a "Baker Half Dozen", and life will never be the same...
Sorry it has taken me awhile to update this blog. Thank you for all of you who are praying, bringing us meals, and keeping us in your thoughts. We REALLY appreciate it, and I don't think we would even be holding it together (which I feel like we are barely doing) if not for the support of so many of you. I don't know if I'll be able to respond right away to any emails that you send to us, but I will try to in the next couple weeks.
We came home with the boys last Saturday. It was a VERY difficult plane ride for many reasons too long to go in to right now. Basically, lack of sleep for all of us (the boys only slept about 2-3 hours in the entire almost 48 hours from waking on the day of departure until we got home in Phoenix Saturday evening), 24 hours of flying and 3 plane changes, plus a 5-yr-old who wouldn't listen and obey very well and who was VERY high strung and into everything AND had a wailing meltdown for about an hour in the airport and onto the plane, do not make a good combination for new parents! Probably one of the worst day(s) of our lives. :(
It's hard to know how to express our feelings, but I think I can sum it up by saying this has been the hardest week of our lives. Although we read the books, and took the classes, we do not feel prepared for what we are experiencing with Milkanu (the 5-1/2 year old). With him, it's 1 step forward and several steps back. I know it's only the first week and that things WILL get better, but when you are in the thick of it, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is a very sweet, handsome, smart boy with SO much energy. He has a beautiful smile and loves to laugh and play and learn. When we first got him home he was fascinated and into everything. He especially loved the light switches and remote controls. That part is getting better as he gets more used to his "new world". But he is also struggling a lot with testing boundaries, listening and obeying, controlling his anger, sadness, fear, and frustration with the language barrier. When he doesn't like being told no, there has been hitting/biting/kicking/scratching/pinching tantrums. We've had to hold him with a towel wrapped around him to prevent him from hurting us. He is very strong when he's out of control like that. After that goes on for at least 15-20 minutes, he "breaks" and dissolves into tears and wailing that can last up to an hour and a half. The first time it happened was very scarey and heartbreaking. He just has so much fear, sadness, and anger inside and doesn't know how to express it properly. He is not getting enough sleep at night for a child who expends so much energy, but we're having a hard time getting him to nap or rest during the day or sleep in. We have definetely learned that he gets overstimulated and overtired easily, and that that is a huge reason why he shuts down.
Thankfully, we have met an Ethiopian woman here who speaks the boys' language. She came over a few night ago and talked with Milkanu for over an hour. Since then, there has been little or not hitting, but we are still struggling with him not always listening and testing us, shutting down and ignoring us, and then he still dissolves into a wailing tantrum every day. Please understand that it is best to not have him meet too many people right now, because I think that has been overwhelming to him. He has really only been (mostly) around family, but I think even that is difficult for him--so many new people. If you are bringing a meal, we are SO appreciative, but we just ask that you don't bring your small children and keep the visit short. Also, we're only having family hold Tadesse at this time, so please don't be offended by that. Thank you so much for understanding, as we're trying to do what's best to help these boys.
Tadesse is very cute and sweet and loving when he wants to be, and then has quite an attitude when he chooses to! He is attaching well, and still quite wary of strangers. He really is hilarious--especially when he is mad and giving you the "stink eye". He wasn't walking when we brought him home, and has made HUGE improvements in just a week. He is now cruising the furniture and loves to walk around the house with help. He turns his feet out quite a bit when he walks, due to the rickets (caused by malnutrition/lack of Vitamin D: it causes his leg bones to be weak and somewhat bowed), so we may need to see a specialist. The doctor has ordered a bone scan of his femur to see how extensive the rickets is. Usually, with proper nutrition and exercise, the rickets is reversable. His big belly from malnutrition is a concern to the doctors, too, but he is on special vitamins and Pedisure, and that should get better, too. Tadesse's health issues are very common for kids from Ethiopia, but our regular pediatrition is not very familiar with situations like this. Unfortunately, there are no pediatric specialists in international adoption in our area/state that I know of. But the international adoption pediatrician that we paid for to look at the boys' referral information and to prescribe medication for the boys while we were in Ethiopia gave us a list of tests to have the local doctor's run. I've given that to our doctor and she has written up lab requests (stool, urine, and blood). Should be a lot of fun trying to get those done! The doctor was also concerned about Milkanu's height (39"), which is very short, but that is also common with Ethiopian adopted children because of poor nutrition, and usually changes quickly once they are in the U.S. Besides some eczema patches (common in African American people) and each of them having a cold, they both seem to be in pretty good health.
Okay, that was quite a long update. For those of you who get my blog sent to your email or read it online, you will notice that this same email is posted there, so just skip or delete it. The rest of my updates on the boys in the future will be posted there, instead of by mass email. I also have a few pictures of the boys on my blog.
For those of you who are believers, please keep us in your prayers. Only God can get us through this in one piece! I keep trying to remember that when I am weak, HE is strong. And please forgive us if we don't call back or email back quickly. I'll do my best, but life in the Baker home is a little crazy and unsettled right now... :)
Prayer requests:
1) Tadesse to sleep through the night.
2) Milkanu to sleep in later in the morning and/or to nap or rest once during the day.
3) Milkanu: less tantrums/crying
4) Milkanu: to listen to us and be obedient (less testing).
5) For both boys to adjust quickly and bond well with all of us.
6) Healing for the pain and loss the boys' have experienced (especially Milkanu).
7) For Milkanu to learn English quickly so we can better communicate.
8) Patience and guidance for Brian and I in parenting.
Thank you all!
Love, Tammy and Brian
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